if anyone ever asks me what orange is the new black is about i will send them these pictures without any context or explanation
*nearby lesbian laughter*
*muffled asexual snickering*
*conflicted pansexual noises*
*moderately panicked bisexual muttering*
HETEROSEXUAL SCREAMING IN ANGUISH
Laughter from anyone who realises condoms are not the only form of birth control.
Louder laughter from those that remember that STDs and STIs are an actual thing that happen whether one is on the pill or not.Laughter stops as people remember that STDs and STIs are an actual thing that happen whether one is on the pill or not.
Literally everyone, regardless of orientation, mutters awkwardly and shuffles away as they remember that STDs and STIs are an actual thing that can happen to anyone who is sexually active, and not just heterosexual people.
*asexual snickering increases in volume*
i hate when you’re not in the same mood as your friend like when you want to slay your enemies and feast on their flesh and your friend wants to dance in a field of daisies and sing for the sake of singing like no stop that grab a pitchfork
or when you just want to dance in a field of daisies and your friend wants to murder everyone like no come on friend be happy! and you throw flowers in the air to entice them to cheer up and they set the whole field on fire like no stop that why
just take him
will ship everywhere
Tony Abbott has recently attempted to eat the royal baby. Kate and William were enjoying their trip around Australia up until they encountered the reptilian Prime Minister. At first they thought he was just eager to greet them until he got closer and they realised his intention was in fact to eat their baby whole like a bird’s egg. The royal couple barely managed to escape with their baby unscathed when Prince William reflected the Australian sun off the bald patch of his head directly into Abbott’s lizard eyes and ran.
what if Lucy Liu played Captain America
no, this wasn’t supposed to happen. i have an exam tomorrowwww [100% based on this]
sorry sir, we don’t have the facilities for a cat scan, but we can certainly get you a lab report
leopard seals weigh over a thousand pounds and have a reputation for being one of the most vicious predators in the sea. a leopard seal even killed a marine biologist in 2003. but photographer paul nicklen was befriended by a leopard seal who was patrolling a penguin rookery near anvers island, antarctica.
over the course of a five day photographic study, this female leopard seal would bring him about thirty penguins as gifts to eat. at first nicklen was confused. and very scared. “it takes a leap of faith when you get in the water with an animal like that, you’re completely vulnerable,” nicklen said.
but this seal began to bring him live penguins, which would swim away when he failed to grab them, and which she would swim after and return to him. realizing nicklen didn’t know what to do with the penguins, she started to bring him dead ones she had drowned. when he still didn’t know what to do, she showed him how to eat them (this involved ripping the head off the penguin and using the body like a cup to slurp down the entrails)
“it was a very deliberate effort at interspecies communication, whether it was because she was nurturing me, trying to communicate, or bored and lonely and wanted to hang out,” nicklen said. she even protected him from other approaching leopard seals, stealing their penguins and bringing them to him.
he considers the encounter the most rewarding experience of his twenty year career in photography. “when you spend a month trying to get a picture of a polar bear, then all of a sudden you have a top predator in antarctica force feeding you penguins all day, it doesn’t get much better than that.”